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I (Assume I) Know What I'm Doing.

by The Albert Square

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1.
today is just one seventh of the week this week is just one section of the year this year is just a moment in my lifetime so why do i give all of my time to these creatures creeping under the bed why do i waste all of my time when they don’t care if i live if i live or I die?
2.
He had a son and he had a grandson in Virginia says he’s just been and just had seen them photos show a child from five years ago his story is old and he just seems to be getting older we get quiet and the train gets a little louder we’re all quiet as the train gets a little louder he lost a house in a tornado lost another five years later he was unlucky but not sorry "if life is for the living but you live it for yourself you lose it all!” Donald! I love being alone but i don’t want to be alone forever! Donald! How can i be alone? but not alone forever! i don’t want to be alone! i don’t wanna be alone forever!
3.
heavy hands on the Burlington line as time stands by dividing lines these people sit on well kept lawns and the trains roll by their sibilant syllables drawn a pair of shoes laces untied and unbound feet and small town pride they’re waving at the passers by it’s those and i am surprised there rarely are fences they’re kind to their neighbors and more so to these strangers and they don’t shut their windows and they don’t lock their doors and they won’t turn their heads because ignoring is deplorable not like these cities where these people are cold and i get suspicious my home makes me old before my time! it’s water towers it’s the grain silos it’s the sun kissing two story skylines it’s those midwestern towns…
4.
emphatic about Kansas City history with stuttered sentences and an aching philosophy "it’s hard being a black girl here in Missouri when immaculate births are at the bottom of the list of your worries." she was a deist he cried about Jesus “if we’re so pious, why did he leave us?” are we alone i don’t think so because people like Stacy take us in when it storms is how i know so. and on these warm a weirdly shaping nights when the righteous preach and tend to turn out their lights singing “it’s strange that these strangers could be bringing in danger to their own homes when they open up their doors and their living room floors to the unknown!" she says it’s hard being a black girl here in Missouri when immaculate births are at the bottom of the list of your worries…
5.
heaven help me how can this be? well we all tend to be jerks in our youth! gnashing and biting and chomping at the bit without a sense or an intuition of the pain that comes because of it no need to apologize if you could see it from my eyes you are a sweet, sweet man and you are a wonderful father and you’ll remain that way your intent it has the weight to guide the rest of us. heaven help me how can i be this lost and cauterized? i just want to run and hide and these mistakes we make aren’t ours to bear or internalize and how i wish i could take my own advice! because i am a mess you see i’m afraid to try because i might die you are a sweet, sweet man and you are a wonderful father and you’ll remain that way your intent it has the weight to guide the rest of us.
6.
Snowed in on a spring day you’d swallow it down if you could it’s the softest part under the shell that shows and the last thing you want is for anyone out there to know and i know how it goes when life throws you these bends and those bows those pins and those arrows believe me, i know how it goes these bends and those bows those pins and those arrows now i know we’re all vulnerable it don’t make you weak you’re incredible and you make me oh so proud to have friends like you around and you share those parts that hurt which makes us love you even more.
7.
i know this is where i came from judge and jury it ain’t the shape of things to come everything has stayed the same since i’ve been gone and i can see how i may have come out wrong you may not know it by looking at me hell, i wouldn’t believe it myself but here is the hand that i plan on playing because these here are the cards that i’ve been dealt when you’re thinking of starting over but the beginning is no longer what it seemed when these houses are no longer homes now and it feels like there’s nobody on your team
8.
as we steer to the middle of the desert i say, “God, i can’t believe it.” as if i believed in God at all and the bodies all around the door keep on knocking and they ask for more they say, “God, we can’t believe it.” as if they believed in God at all there’s a steer skull on a door in the middle of the desert you’d be pressed to find the walls at all the roof has collapsed and it has fallen in again and again and again…
9.
the sun it recedes in Indiana when the night time hits that’s the time that i wanna have her confidence and her curiosity but i lack the sense and it is baffling me how after 31 years i’m still light years behind because agnes is this girl i know that has complete command of her entire world and i assume i know what i’m doing the bigger it gets the more depressing it is little daughter and you gotta keep kicking if you’re gonna keep that head above water because you’re deliver us from mediocrity this lack of sense and it is baffling me after 31 years i’m still light years behind you’ve got these parents that restore my faith that we’re going to make it out of this hell okay and they’ll shower you with their love, unconditional because you’re going to bring these people to the polls you’ve got the strength and the grace to change how we all see it oh, Agnes! what do i do?
10.
insignificant in this canyon where we disappear together as you sleep with uncovered feet right now this is our time in this freezing winter weather here’s me at my best i can never compromise i can never find a balance no matter how hard i try and i wish i had a job and i wish i had a home and i wish i had a place away from this communal space but if i had a job and if i had a home i’d be swallowing that status quo you never would have made your mark and i would never know some of our parts break like waves these parts weigh heavy these days…
11.
i’ve been trying to get back here for years to no avail but i keep trying my heart stopped beating and turning gears it has failed but it keeps trying you’re the fleur-de-lis of curiosity and i’m a masochistic man trapped in this sinking pit of sand and the jokes they’re stale but they carry it so well and i guess it doesn’t matter when you’re cool it’s taken getting here to know you belong there it stinks these streets they smell like piss and blood and there’s nothing charming now about my “hood” but these drinks they’re cheap and plentiful, you see and i can spend my days reflecting on all the bad habits i’m collecting. disgraceful little dance, you’re ruining all my plans
12.
there aren’t any words. it’s just instruments.
13.
terrified that they’ll find me out so i will hide and bury everything inside does it look like i know what i’m doing? i don’t know i’m just assuming as we do swallowing my fears all these years finally now i can say that i’m alive for the very first time leaving all that weight behind and i’m so high we’ll never get it right but still we try!

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credits

released December 15, 2015

The Albert Square is:
Sim Castro - Guitars, Vocals, Keys
Spencer Taplin - Drums
James Mack Baker - Bass

additional musicians:
Chris Hopkins - Bass on tracks 2-5, 7-9, 11, 13, backing vocals on track 3 and synth on track 11
Shawn Alpay - Cello
Mike Huguenor - backing vocals on tracks 2 and 9
Bob Vielma - Trombone
Jack Shirley - saw on track 12 and backing vocals on track 9

cover painting by Megan Hart

Thank you Bob Vielma, Jack Shirley, Megan Hart, Tom Bayles, Jeff Rosenstock, Sarah Sauerzopf, Tony Bui, everyone who played on the record, the family Brackett, Shirley Wong-Jose, the PNP crew, Mike Park, all the San Jose homies, all my MTG punx, VLHS, all of our Seattle friends, Hard Girls, Bradbury/VWLS, dem Yulia boyz, Shinobu, Diners and Dogbreth crew, the weird world of train travelers, all the other awesome bands with whom we’ve had the pleasure to play, anyone who has booked us, came to see us an/or donated to the cause in one way or another. Thank you for opening your doors and your living room floors.

and an extra special thanks to the Kong family, john Litchford, Julia and Trevor, Bente Ente Blender, David Duckett and the amazing people that inspired this collection of songs. i wish i could have written one for every person i met while traveling across the country, i don’t know if you’ll ever realize the positive impact you make on the world so, from the bottom of my heart: thank you.

written in 2014 and recorded with Jack Shirley at Atomic Garden, East Palo Alto, CA.

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